Teacher Notes on Instruction-Writing Exercises

Exercise 13: Removing wax from carpet

Goal:

To detect and solve usability problems in a long set of instructions. This exercise shows students that the guidelines are scalable, that the same instruction-improving techniques that work on recipe-sized projects work just as well on much longer sets of instructions.

Strategy:

The wax-removing instructions introduce no new issues in instruction editing. But they are:

about twice as long as any previous exercise (with 14 internal problems instead of the usual 5 to 7), and
not scaffolded at all. This is the first exercise with no added cues about where to look for places to improve. Students must detect each problem by studying the text itself, then develop solutions.

I have divided these instructions by sentence solely for easier analysis and discussion. The wide right margin leaves space for student annotations.
APPROACHES:
I suggest that students work this exercise in stages:

First, diagnose the latent problems and make them overt. Add a note along the wide right margin to identify the location and kind of each problem, a way of self-scaffolding the text to prepare for revising it. The first annotated version below shows my list of problems made overt in this way.
Second, rewrite each weak step and move it if needed to gradually apply the instruction-writing guidelines here. The second annotated version below shows one improved alternative set of instructions that addresses every problem noted previously.
Several iterations may be needed for students to fix everything and properly place all the steps and warnings. Such iterative refinement is a good technical writing strategy, very practical and often used in real life. Editing long draft instructions like these is not a contest to "guess the right answer" quickly. Rather it is a project to develop an increasingly better set of steps to help the reader, using as many passes through the text as it takes to fix every problem you can find.

COMPARATIVE WORD COUNT:
As with Exercises 4 and 5 earlier, I suggest that after students thoroughly revise Exercise 13 they compare the number of words in the (flawed) original with the number of words in their own (improved) version. If numbers count as words, there are 242 words in the original carpet-wax instructions, 173 words (omitting the step numbers) in the edited version (71% of the original), and 186 words if you include the step numbers (77% of the original). So, as before with short instructions, this long set shows again that improving the effectiveness of instructions usually also reduces the number of words needed (here, the improved version is 25-30% shorter than the flawed original).
STUDENT VERSION:
Although the sentences are separated for easier discussion and editing, these are raw draft instructions with no scaffolding.
ANNOTATED VERSIONS:
The first annotated version itemizes the problems but does not solve them. The second annotated version shows one appropriate way to solve all the problems noted in the first pass.

Case:

Student version:

Removing Wax from Carpet

You can start by trying to scrape out
as much wax as possible with a dull
knife (such as a butter knife or a
putty knife).

But before you scrape, it is best to
chill the spilled wax with an ice bag
(or a bag of frozen vegetables).

The next step is to cover the remaining
wax residue with 2 or 3 paper towels.

Set an electric iron to its lowest
temperature.

Then it is possible to take the warm iron
and move it over the paper towels that
cover the wax, to absorb some melted wax
with each pass.

When they become saturated with wax,
change the paper towels and then repeat
until the paper towels absorb no more wax.

Scrub the waxed carpet area with a rag
dampened in mineral spirits.

Then scrub the carpet area again with
mild detergent after you dry it with
more paper towels.

Rinsing with clean water will be
necessary too.

And you will also have to dry the carpet
with a hair dryer or fan, fluffing
the carpet as needed.

One possible problem during this whole
cleaning process is that different carpet
fibers melt at different temperatures.
An inconspicuous place should be tested
by moving the warm iron over paper towels
to make sure that the carpet will not melt.

A second possible problem is that you
might put too much mineral spirits on the
rag.  Do not soak the rag; just moisten it.

Annotated version (1):

Removing Wax from Carpet [WITH PROBLEMS NOTED]
                                                 --NO LIST FORMAT
You can start by trying to scrape out
as much wax as possible with a dull              --NO OVERT COMMAND
knife (such as a butter knife or a
putty knife).

But before you scrape, it is best to             --WRONG ORDER
chill the spilled wax with an ice bag
(or a bag of frozen vegetables).

The next step is to cover the remaining          --IRRELEVANT TEXT
wax residue with 2 or 3 paper towels.            --NO OVERT COMMAND

Set an electric iron to its lowest
temperature.

Then it is possible to take the warm iron        --IRRELEVANT TEXT
and move it over the paper towels that           --NO OVERT COMMAND
cover the wax, to absorb some melted wax
with each pass.

When they become saturated with wax,             --COMPLEX STEP
change the paper towels and then repeat
until the paper towels absorb no more wax.

Scrub the waxed carpet area with a rag
dampened in mineral spirits.                     --HIDDEN STEP

Then scrub the carpet area again with
mild detergent after you dry it with             --WRONG ORDER
more paper towels.

Rinsing with clean water will be                 --NO OVERT COMMAND
necessary too.

And you will also have to dry the carpet         --IRRELEVANT TEXT
with a hair dryer or fan, fluffing               --NO OVERT COMMAND
the carpet as needed.

One possible problem during this whole           --MISPLACED WARNINGS
cleaning process is that different carpet
fibers melt at different temperatures.
An inconspicuous place should be tested
by moving the warm iron over paper towels
to make sure that the carpet will not melt.

A second possible problem is that you
might put too much mineral spirits on the
rag.  Do not soak the rag; just moisten it.

Annotated version (2):

Removing Wax from Carpet [AN IMPROVED VERSION]

1. Chill
     the spilled wax with an ice bag
     (or a bag of frozen vegetables).

2. Scrape
     out as much wax as possible with a dull knife
     (such as a butter or putty knife).

3. Cover
     the remaining wax residue with 2 or 3 paper towels.

4. Set
     an electric iron to its lowest temperature.
     WARNING: carpet fibers melt at different
     temperatures.  Test the iron setting by moving
     the warm iron over paper towels in an
     inconspicuous place to make sure that the carpet
     will not melt.

5. Move
     the warm iron over the paper towels that cover the wax,
     to absorb some melted wax with each pass.

6. Change
     the paper towels when they become saturated
     with wax.

7. Repeat
     steps 5 and 6 until the paper towels absorb no more wax.

8. Dampen
     a rag with mineral spirits.
     WARNING: do not soak the rag; just moisten it.

9. Scrub
     the waxed carpet area vigorously.

10. Dry
     with more paper towels.

11. Scrub
     again with mild detergent.

12. Rinse
     with clean water.

13. Dry
     with a hair dryer or fan, fluffing the carpet as needed.

Note:

This exercise most closely supports the following 1998 California English-Language Arts content standard(s).
Reading:
Grade 5--"Understand how text features...make information accessible and usable" (p. 28).
Grade 9/10--"Analyze the structure and format of functional workplace documents...and explain how authors use the features to achieve their purposes" (p. 56).
Grade 9/10--"Critique the logic of functional documents by examining the sequence of information...in anticipation of possible reader misunderstandings" (p. 57).
Writing:
Grade 6--"Create multiple-paragraph expository compositions...[using] a variety of effective and coherent organizational patterns" (p. 37).
Grade 8--"Write technical documents...identify the sequence of activities needed to design a system, operate a tool..." (p. 51).