Teacher Notes on Instruction-Writing Exercises

Exercise 5: How to make pancakes

Context for this case:

Prerequisites:
  • Flawed but unworked case.
  • Guidelines for reference.

Cognitive Apprenticeship Features:
  • Successive approximation toward a better version.
  • Modeling of cherry-picking edit technique.

Supporting References:
Relevant CA Content Standards  
Goal:
To apply the guidelines to improve a draft set of instructions in both format and content. This exercise presents many of the same problems and invites many of the same solutions as Exercise 4, so it serves well to review or reinforce student work done on 4A and 4B.
Strategy:
Like Exercise 4, this example is scaffolded but not worked. The cues along the right side call student attention to each problem area but the students must identify the problem and suggest a solution (an improved alternative step).
APPROACHES:
Students need not work the problems here in any particular order, so starting with the obvious ones may clear the way for understanding others less obvious. For instance, quickly reading over all of these draft instructions reveals that they are verbose and that while steps are present those steps are certainly not "easy to find and visually distinct." This observation leads to picking out the steps to make them overt, which in turn reveals that most are not action-verb commands. And rewriting them as commands reveals that the first sentence in the draft should not be the first command in the recipe.
As you model this process of "cherry picking" easy text problems to then disclose more subtle ones, you can point out that such successive approximation is just how writers of effective technical prose (self-)edit in real life too. This technique is part of the "hidden magic" of good nonfiction writing.
COMPARATIVE WORD COUNT:
After the students have discussed the problems and solutions for Exercise 5, have them count the words in the original version and then in the (or in their own) improved version. This shows dramatically, as with Exercise 4, that editing instructions to make them more effective usually makes them much more concise as well. Here the original version has 101 words (counting the numbers as words), while the improved version has only 66 words (only 2/3 as many).

STUDENT VERSION:
Like Exercise 4 (and most of the remaining exercises), this is an unworked example with scaffolding.
ANNOTATED VERSIONS:
The first annotated version (below) spells out each problem and its solution without implementing those solutions. This could be a helpful intermediate stage for hesitant students. The second annotated version implements the solutions. It is not the only way to improve the original, but it illustrates one plausible way to put all of the solutions in play at once.
Case:
Student version:
(5) How to make pancakes

The secret to good pancakes--------------PROBLEM:
is to turn them only once.               SOLUTION:
Pancakes can be made from
four ingredients (1 cup of---------------PROBLEM:
baking mix, 3/4 cup of water,            SOLUTION:
1 egg, and 1 tablespoon of
oil).  You will need to combine----------PROBLEM:
the dry and wet ingredients              SOLUTION:
to start.  Then mix them all
until just moistened
(overmixing is not good)-----------------PROBLEM:
In order to cook the                     SOLUTION:
pancake batter, try
spooning it onto a hot
skillet.  The first
side should be heated until--------------PROBLEM:
bubbles form and just                    SOLUTION:
begin to burst (2-3
minutes).  The second side
cooks for about half as
long as the first side.
Annotated version (1):
(5) How to make pancakes

The secret to good pancakes--------------PROBLEM: WRONG ORDER
is to turn them only once.               SOLUTION: Move this step later
Pancakes can be made from
four ingredients (1 cup of---------------PROBLEM: STEPS NOT EASY TO FIND
baking mix, 3/4 cup of water,            SOLUTION: Use list format
1 egg, and 1 tablespoon of
oil).  You will need to combine----------PROBLEM: IRRELEVANT TEXT,
the dry and wet ingredients                       TWO STEPS TOGETHER
to start.  Then mix them all             SOLUTION: Trim unneeded words,
until just moistened                               subdivide the steps
(overmixing is not good)-----------------PROBLEM: TROUBLESHOOTING TIP
In order to cook the                     SOLUTION: Make overt warning
pancake batter, try
spooning it onto a hot
skillet.  The first
side should be heated until--------------PROBLEM: NOT OVERT COMMAND
bubbles form and just                    SOLUTION: Use action-verb format
begin to burst (2-3
minutes).  The second side
cooks for about half as
long as the first side.
Annotated version (2):
(5) How to make pancakes

Place in a bowl:
     1 cup of baking mix

Add:
     3/4 cup of water
     1 egg
     1 tablespoon of oil

Mix
     until just moistened
     WARNING--do not stir
     aggressively.

Spoon
     the mixture onto a
     hot skillet

Bake one side
     until bubbles form
     and just burst
     (2-3 minutes)

Turn
     each pancake only once

Finish
     baking the other side
     (about half as long
     as the first side)
Note:
This exercise most closely supports the following 1998 California English-Language Arts content standard(s).
Reading:
Grade 9/10--"Analyze the structure and format of functional workplace documents...and explain how authors use the features to achieve their purposes" (p. 56).
Grade 9/10--"Critique the logic of functional documents by examining the sequence of information...in anticipation of possible reader misunderstandings" (p. 57).
Writing:
Grade 8--"Write technical documents...identify the sequence of activities needed to design a system, operate a tool..." (p. 51).
Grade 5--"Edit and revise manuscripts to improve the meaning and focus" (p. 30).

Contact: T. R. Girill trgirill@acm.org